rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
