apparently the secret to your success is patron
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
