Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
