i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
