fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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