I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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