he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
