I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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