11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just had sex bonerless
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
