i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
