I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
