I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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