the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
