I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
