you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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