Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
