you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Shitshow foam night was such a success
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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