Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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