loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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