Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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