I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize