What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
