i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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