What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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