Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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