All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
