Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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