i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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