i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
