I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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