Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
