New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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