you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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