I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
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Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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