I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
