Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
