sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize