The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
