with your own penis?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
