Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
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Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.