I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.