nut hugger
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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