If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize