He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
