don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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