I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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