This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
