I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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