Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
