I will die if light touches me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
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just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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