You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This house was built for laser tag.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
