Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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