I am puke
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I will pee on everything he values.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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