Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
