We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
