walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
