As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
