My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
