So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
