He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
