Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
