this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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