i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
