and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize