i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My dick has a subreddit
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
