sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
