Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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