omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
