That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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