just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Come share oat with me in your robe
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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