i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Did I show you my penis last night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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