I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
