there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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