i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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