please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm sobbing to NWA
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
