Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
