I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
