I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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