Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
